Update: One Year Later

I haven't posted in a year. And yet, I am in the same place I was this time last year. I had "gotten better"; I had gone into remission. But now my symptoms are coming back with a vengeance.

December 12, I had an MRI--just a routine MRI. I had a new lesion. That led my doctor to freak out about PML (a serious side effect from Tysabri), and resulted in talks about a spinal tap and eventually another MRI. The lesion was stable, and actually got a bit smaller in the 10 days between the two MRIs.  Then, toward the end of January, I started having double vision. So, my neurologist ordered another MRI. I had numerous new lesions, within a month since the last.

So, now I am wearing an eyepatch to correct the double vision. My right eye turns inward toward my nose, and it is droopy. I look slightly like I have Down's Syndrome, and when I told B, he said, "Yeah, I can see that." It's from sixth nerve palsy--a lesion on my brain stem. I'm having numbness on the right side of my body. My balance is "off."  Everything is harder. My actions are more awkward. I am more clumsy. I get frustrated. And tonight, I realized that I am depressed.

The thing about MS is that you never "get used to it." Each "flare" is new. The symptoms are constantly changing. And it's so on and off--it will hit hard; I get better. It comes back. It's a vicious cycle.